English Joke

9 Antworten [Letzter Beitrag]
Inga-M
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dabei seit: 18.03.2005

The Brain

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

P.M.O.S.F

Annabelle_Legault
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dabei seit: 31.12.2004

excellent !

alright ..here´s another one (yeah, I know, I know !) :mrgreen:

** 50 Rules For Women **

This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to
like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

31. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?

32. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done-not both.

34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.

35. Don't make 50 rules when 35 will do.

Zwischen Wahnsinn und Verstand ist oft nur eine dünne Wand. (Daniel Düsentrieb)

Inga-M
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dabei seit: 18.03.2005

Cool, Point 35 says it all Laughing out loud
Now, this one has nothing to do with men/women Wink

SURPRISE!

An extremely shy and very modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his digestive system upset.

Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that the latest was another false alarm, so he stayed put in his bed. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheet landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What was that all about?"

Still staring down at his feet, the drunk replied:

"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"

P.M.O.S.F

Annabelle_Legault
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dabei seit: 31.12.2004

and now for something completely different :

(my favourite) :mrgreen:

Zwischen Wahnsinn und Verstand ist oft nur eine dünne Wand. (Daniel Düsentrieb)

seamstress
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dabei seit: 10.06.2007

And now for something completely the same...

So no more excuses for bad hair days 29,000ft above sea level... :mrgreen:

__________________________
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me

Annabelle_Legault
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dabei seit: 31.12.2004

always nice :mrgreen:

Zwischen Wahnsinn und Verstand ist oft nur eine dünne Wand. (Daniel Düsentrieb)

seamstress
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dabei seit: 10.06.2007

Since we seem to have hijacked the thread anyway...

... and don't say you didn't expect that!

Cool

__________________________
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me

Annabelle_Legault
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dabei seit: 31.12.2004

yes, but I don´t care... :mrgreen:

:mrgreen:

Zwischen Wahnsinn und Verstand ist oft nur eine dünne Wand. (Daniel Düsentrieb)

seamstress
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dabei seit: 10.06.2007

What's all this then?

... what's more, he knew how to treat a female impersonator. Cool

__________________________
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me

Annabelle_Legault
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dabei seit: 31.12.2004

take this bus to Cuba...

:mrgreen:

Zwischen Wahnsinn und Verstand ist oft nur eine dünne Wand. (Daniel Düsentrieb)